Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
