Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
