Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
