dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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