and she was petting her beer can
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
