I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
