I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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