Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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