What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
