Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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