his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
