How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
