I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
