This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
