My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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