Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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