there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
