They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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