we have pet lesbian snakes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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