woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
