Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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