Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
