Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
