i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
