the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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