She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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