His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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