Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
