just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize