this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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