A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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