If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
