Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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