remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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