I met the friendliest cop last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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