So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
