Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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