my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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