He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
