New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
