i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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