Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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