Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
