I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
