someone get that fucking seahorse.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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