:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
