Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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