This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
