if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
