'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
