i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
