It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
