youre lurking in front of me
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
