I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize