If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
