nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
