I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
