why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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