I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
