Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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