I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
