On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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