All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
