i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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