Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
