oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
