The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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