I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
